A Guide to Parish Etiquette:

St. Tikhon Orthodox Church is parish in the Diocese of the South of the Orthodox Church of America. When people travel around to different communities there are many customs and local traditions.

Some are cultural; some are pious customs. The following etiquette is for the community of St. Tikhon but could also be understood to reflect the general ethos of the Orthodox Church in America (OCA). The goal of having a general Church etiquette is not to strike fear in people, but rather to inform people of the common practices of our Church. In the modern OCA, it is not uncommon to find many sincere, devout people who were never informed about basic Church etiquette whether they were born and raised in the faith or came into the Church later in life. This guide is meant for personal reflection, not as a means of judging others. Keep in mind that there are different traditions even among the Orthodox faithful. We come to church to pray and worship God above all else, and that should be our only focus. In the Orthodox Church there are numerous customs and traditions that are important parts of our worship. Some of these customs are universal to the Church, while some may vary from parish to parish, or cultural tradition. The following addresses questions most often asked by those new to the faith, and even those not so new…

Standing vs. Sitting

The traditional posture for prayer and worship in the Orthodox Church is to stand. In many Orthodox Churches there are no pews. Chairs or benches on the side walls are reserved for those who need them, i.e. the elderly, infirm, pregnant mothers, etc. When in doubt, it is always acceptable to stand for the entire service. Regardless if you stand the whole service or not, there are times when one should definitely stand:

• The beginning of the service: “Blessed is the Kingdom…”

• The Entrances: with the Gospel and later, the Chalice

• Gospel Reading

• The Creed,

• The Lord’s Prayer

• The Anaphora beginning with “Let us stand aright” through the Hymn to the Theotokos

• The distribution of Holy Communion, i.e. the Body and Blood of Christ in our midst, through the end of the dismissal.

Whatever parish you are in, when in doubt, follow the pattern of those around you. Follow the advice St Monica received from St Ambrose when she asked about fasting rules in Rome. “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” During the sermon, please do take a seat.

Lighting Candles

Lighting candles is an important part of Orthodox worship. We light them as we pray, making an offering to accompany our prayers. In the Orthodox church, we typically light candles upon entering the church, or after venerating the icons.

Venerating Icons

When you enter the church, it is traditional to venerate the icons. Usually there are icons at the entrance to the church and many churches have icon stands in the front as well. When venerating (kissing) an icon, pay attention to where you kiss. It is not proper to kiss an icon in the face. When you approach an icon to venerate it, kiss the gospel, scroll, or cross in the hand of the person in the icon, or kiss the hand or foot of the person depicted. And remember to blot off any lipstick or chapstick before kissing.

When Entering and Leaving the Church

Getting kids ready, fighting traffic, etc can all make arriving to church on time difficult. It’s also often necessary to leave the Nave and come back in. If you arrive after the Divine Liturgy begins, try to enter the church quietly – and observe what is happening. If the Epistle or Gospel is being read or the Little or Great Entrance is taking place, wait until it is finished to enter the church. If Father is giving the sermon, please come in, but stay in the back until he has concluded.

If you end up arriving late (especially after the Gospel) you should generally refrain from partaking of the Eucharist that day as “proper preparation” for Holy Communion typically includes the hearing of the gospel.

If the Anaphora is taking place, please refrain from entering the Church until the Hymn to the Theotokos (It is Truly Meet…)

Crossing One’s Legs

Generally, we tend to cross our legs to get comfortable. Is it “wrong” for us to cross our legs in Church? It’s less about it being “wrong” and more about it being maybe a little too casual—or maybe a little too relaxed—for being in the presence of God. When we get settled in our favorite chair at home, we lean back, kick up our legs, and allow our minds to wander. This is the opposite of what we want to do in Church. Our goal is to remain attentive (i.e.: “Let us attend”) at all times. Distractions will always seek to keep our minds and hearts away from God, so if we seek to do what we need in order to keep that from happening. If you need to sit, try to do so in a way that keeps you attentive and not too comfortable that our minds wander off of the “one thing necessary.”

Talking During Church

It’s always nice to see friends you haven’t seen in awhile, or to welcome visitors who haven’t visited before. With the exception of helping a visitor through the service, try to save conversation for the fellowship hall after the service is over, inviting guests to visit there. Instead, while you’re in church greet each other quietly, and try and listen and participate in the service.

Kiss (Don’t Shake) the Bishop’s and Priest’s Hand

The proper way to greet a bishop or priest is to ask his blessing and kiss his right hand. How do you do this? Approach the bishop or priest with your right hand over your left and say “Father (“Master,” in the case of a bishop), bless.” This is appropriate and traditional, rather than shaking their hands. When you receive such a blessing it is Christ Himself who offers the blessing through the hand of the priest or bishop.

Sunday Dress

Though God does not demand us to “dress up” for Him (as though He is in any way impressed by our external appearance), how we dress can be a reflection of how we feel. If we dress to casually, our attitudes might reflect this casualness in our worship. We should dress modestly, not in a flashy way that brings attention to ourselves.

Some Guidelines:

• Children: Only young children are allowed to wear shorts to church—but preferably not athletic shorts, cutoffs, or “spandex”. Tennis shoes that “light up” should probably be avoided, especially for altar servers, in that they draw attention away from prayer.

• Women: Dresses, skirts and pants are all appropriate, just be sure they are modest.

• Men: Clean shirts that avoid splashy logos and clean pants/slacks/jeans are always good choices. Again, shorts are to be avoided, particularly on Sunday morning.

The above guidelines may be adjusted for services outside of Divine Liturgy, i.e. Vespers. It is always preferable to be in church for prayer, then to not come at all for mere lack of a change of clothes—as may be the case when coming from a Saturday outing, work, or work-party, etc. Finally, this is not a call for someone to buy a whole new wardrobe just to be a part of the Church! Use your best judgment and good taste when it comes to Church. You don’t go to church to be seen by people—you go to present yourself before, and to worship, God.

Making the Sign of the Cross

A person looking around on a Sunday morning may notice that different people cross themselves at different times. To a certain extent, when to cross oneself is a matter of personal piety and not of dogma. However, there are times in the service when crossing oneself (thumb and first two fingers touching each other, third and fourth fingers folded into the palm: touching head first, to stomach, right shoulder to left) is called for:

• To cross: when you hear one of the variations of the phrase “Father, Son, and Holy Spirit”; before venerating an icon, Gospel, or Cross; entering and exiting the temple; during the Trisagion [Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal]; at “Glory to Thee O Lord”; when passing before the Altar.

• Not to Cross: (only bowing of the head): when blessed with hand (as in “Peace be unto all”), or censed. In receiving a blessing from a bishop or priest one does not make the sign of the Cross beforehand. “In this way ought we to distinguish between reverence toward holy things and toward persons”.

Snacks for Children

Parents often bring little snacks for young children. This is fine as long as it is discreet and quiet and the parent sees to cleaning up any leftovers. By the time a child reaches age 8 they are mostly capable of fasting the entire morning of Holy Communion (or at least cutting back on breakfast). For those children who do require snacks during service, please refrain from feeding them, even a bottle, while in line for Communion, as they ought to come to the Holy Mysteries without food already in their mouths. Chewing gum is never a need in church.

In and Out

Certainly parents should have ready access to the doors to take small children out if they are distracting or need a short break—for this reason the doors are to be accessible, i.e. let us avoid the temptation to congregate around the back doors, and challenge ourselves to move forward into the Nave.

What do I do during the Censings?

There are many local customs dealing with the censing of the Church. In some places people move to the center of the Church and in others they stay where they are.

Here at St. Tikhon people should move away from the walls while the priest is censing. In general, while the priest or deacon is censing people should stop venerating the icons in the center of the Church. In practice, the priest censes the iconostasis, then censes the people. When he is doing this, he censes from the ambo from (the laity’s perspective) right to left. As he censes, he’ll bow, and as you are censed, you return a small bow as well.

When he steps off the ambo to cense the church, he will start often at the center icon, then move around to cense the walls of the church. At that time, please just step far enough from the wall to allow him a path. Please don’t feel the need to stand in the same direction of the priest while he censes around the church, you can just keep facing the altar. Also, this isn’t the time to bow towards the priest, because the priest is no longer censing you, but the icons that align the walls of the church.

A good rule of thumb is to always face the altar. If the priest is in the middle of the nave or the narthex during baptism or vigil, you may stand sideways, but do not give your back to the altar.

Talking During Church

It is not appropriate to greet people and have a conversation with them during the services. This is especially true while in line for the Holy Eucharist. It is not appropriate for anyone to have conversation during communion, either before or after receiving the Eucharist. While it is a hospitable act to offer friends and visitors a piece of antidoron at this time, it is not the occasion for visiting or catching up with one another.

While waiting to receive communion, we ought to be in a state of prayerful preparation, after receiving, in a state of prayerful gratitude, and if not receiving, repenting and praying quietly—or else singing along with the communion hymn. It is likewise inappropriate to begin to chat during the prayers of thanksgiving.

Talk to God while in church through your prayers, hymns, and thanksgiving, and to your friends in the hall afterwards.

Preparing for Communion

Part of the preparation for receiving the Holy Eucharist is fasting. Orthodox Christians are expected to fast at least from 12 midnight until they receive the Holy Mysteries unless for health reasons or medically unable. If this is the case, please talk to Fr Seth. The fast includes abstaining from all food and drink. It is also expected that the married faithful will abstain from adult relations on the evening (from Vespers on) before receiving the Holy Eucharist.

Leaving Before the Dismissal

Leaving church before the Dismissal deprives us of a blessing. The Liturgy has a beginning ("Blessed is the Kingdom...") and an end ("Let us depart in peace..."). We live in a fast-paced world where we seem to be hurrying from place to place. But in God's presence, we need to make every attempt to fight this pressure to move on to the next thing on the day's agenda. We deprive ourselves of blessings by not being still and participating in God's holiness. It is important to stay after Communion to complete our prayer and thank God for his precious gifts to us. So please stay in the Nave unless it’s your turn to help with food or taking care of a child.

Handling the Holy Bread / “Antidoron”

After taking Communion, at the end of the Divine Liturgy, and at Vespers with a “Litya” or “Blessing of Bread”, it is traditional to eat a piece of holy bread or antidoron—the left-over bread from which Holy Communion was prepared and various commemorations made. While antidoron is not the Body and Blood of Christ, it is blessed bread, and as such, we should take precaution to eat it carefully so that crumbs don’t fall to be trampled underfoot. Monitor the children as they take the antidoron, teaching them to eat respectfully.

Final Thought

Most church etiquette is based on simple common sense and a respect for God and others. We are in church to worship God in Holy Trinity. The priest announces, “In the fear of God, with faith and love, draw near.” If we approach our lives and our worship together with this in mind, then we will be people of proper church etiquette. Also, it’s good to remember we’re a part of the Body of Christ. A family that seeks to live in harmony and so, do all things in love. As St John the Theologian reminds us “If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.” -1 John 4:20-21